What God Has Joined Together
When pastors and pastoral students get together, you can almost guarantee that some deep theological issues will be discussed, whether it’s did Adam and Eve have belly buttons or where did Jonah go to the bathroom while in the fish. However, sometimes we will hit on some much deeper issues.
Back when I was attending Vennard College, I worked a night shift at the Walmart in the next town over. It made for some long nights, but I was guaranteed to be one of the first people in line for breakfast. One morning I came in and sat down at the only table with students and found myself in the middle of a conversation that was already going on. The question being posed was, “Is it ever okay to get divorced?” Being in my first year, I was not well versed on the topic, but I’d grown up in church so I thought I’d put in my two cents. As one person, a senior, argued that divorce was never acceptable, I countered with a passage from Matthew which stated the exception for marital unfaithfulness. He quickly put me in my place by quoting numerous scriptures and theologians alike, and in so doing, reminded me that he was a senior and I was but a lowly freshman.
However, despite his insistence that the matter was settled, no matter his view, society and the church as a whole still struggle with this idea. When is it okay to divorce? Is it ever okay to divorce? When Josh Duggar was found to be less than faithful to his wife Anna, there were many crying out on social media that she needed to divorce him. When she announced that she was going to stick by him, people were in an uproar. Some pointed to the Bible to say that she needed to divorce him while others pointed to the Bible to say that she needed to forgive him.
As we continue in our series looking at the modern day Jesus, I want us to take a look at this topic. I want us to look, not just at the words that Jesus spoke, but also at the implications they bring. As we bring Jesus’ words and teachings into the 21st century, what did they mean to the people he was speaking to, and what do they mean to us today?
In both the gospels of Matthew and Mark we find Jesus is faced with this question of divorce. While we’ll reference parts of both passages, I want us to focus our attention on Mark 10:1-12. Here we see a discourse between Jesus and a group of Pharisees. The Pharisees were the religious leaders and teachers of that day and were not fond of Jesus. He often spoke harshly to them, accusing them of practicing legalism while neglecting the heart of God. This didn’t sit well with many of them, and they decided to do whatever was necessary to get rid of this trouble maker, Jesus. This is why the scripture says, in both Matthew and Mark, that they came and tested him. They were trying to get him to slip up so that they could discredit him or worse, have him killed.
This whole loaded question and the trap they were trying to set rested upon a passing reference in Deuteronomy 24:1. Notice that this verse isn’t even a complete sentence. It’s a part of whole different law, but it does indicate that if a man finds something indecent about his wife, he is to write a certificate of divorce, give it to her, and send her on her way. That sounds pretty straight forward.
However, in interpreting this law, the people in that time got hung up on one phrase, “a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her.” What did this mean? What constitutes a displeasing or indecent thing? In that time two different schools of thought. The Shammi interpreted these words in as strict of a way as they knew how. As they understood it, this indecency could be nothing less than marital unfaithfulness. Anything short of this, and, in their eyes, it was unlawful for a man to divorce his wife.
We then had the school of the Hillel. They chose a more loose interpretation of this law. They took it at literal face value and said that if the man found anything displeasing or indecent about his wife, that was grounds for divorce. If she burned his evening meal, that’s displeasing and grounds for divorce. If she begins to get a little older and loses that new car smell, that was grounds for divorce. If he simply finds someone else that he finds more pleasing that his wife, that was grounds for divorce. With this loose interpretation, virtually anything would be considered grounds for a man to divorce his wife.
Notice, I said that it was grounds for a man to divorce his wife. Nothing in that law said anything about a woman divorcing her husband. In fact, under Jewish law, it was virtually impossible for a woman to divorce her husband, even if he was the worst character around. This law applied to a man desiring to divorce his wife, not the other way around. In that time, women had no rights. Jesus begins to address this issue in Mark 10:11-12, but that’s a message for a different time.
So the Pharisees pose this question to Jesus asking him if it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife. They knew they had him in a corner. If he opposed divorce on legal grounds, he risked going against one or both of these schools and therefore would lose credibility. However, if he argued against divorce as a moral issue, he may find the same fate as John the Baptist.
John the Baptist had been arrested and ultimately executed by Herod Antipas because he spoke openly against Herod’s marriage to his brother’s wife, Herodias. If Jesus spoke against divorce as a moral issue, he would find himself speaking against the king and would likely be confronted with the same fate.
So, the Pharisees pose this question to Jesus, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” Jesus’ response was to pose a question right back at them. “What did Moses command you?” They replied with the standard answer from Deuteronomy 24:1. The law seemed pretty clear. Go down to the courthouse, get a certificate of divorce, and everything is all clear and legal. Yet Jesus counters that by telling them that while Moses permitted it, that was only because of your sinful hearts. Divorce was never in God’s original plan.
Prior to the command by Moses, there were no regulations or guidelines regarding divorce. If a man was unhappy with his wife, for whatever reason, he’d simply send her packing. There wasn’t any process or red tape to go through. It was simply a matter of pack your things and get out. In instituting this command, Moses, through God, was merely trying to slow down and regulate this process that was already happening. It wasn’t that God condoned it; rather, it was choosing the lesser of two evils.
Today abortion is a hot topic as it has been for quite some time. I believe that most people reading this would be in agreement that abortion is bad. We do not condone the murdering children. However, time and time again, legislation outright banning abortion has failed. There are arguments about women’s reproductive rights and some say completely banning abortions will just cause it to go underground. As a result, most new legislation regarding abortions don’t seek a complete ban. They seek to regulate the behavior in order to minimize the damage. Nobody would argue that those seeking to pass such legislation were pro-abortion even though the legislation being pushed still allows it. Instead, it is seen as a necessary evil in hopes that we can regulate it and minimize the damage. Because of people’s sinful hearts, we will not eradicate abortion without first changing the heart. As Jesus is pointing out, the same was true for divorce. Even though God permitted it, it was not because he condoned it. Rather, the act was permitted in an attempt to regulate and alleviate the damage done.
As Jesus states, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” (Mark 10:7-9) This was God’s intention for marriage all along. Marriage is a lasting covenant, not where two people agree to live together and share their lives together as long as it’s convenient. Through marriage the two become one, joined together by God.
So, where does that leave us? Today, when somebody asks, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” what should our response be? What would Jesus’ response be? This is a question that I’ve struggled with over the years. Not because of any problems in my own marriage, but because of that conversation I had over breakfast so many years ago. Is it true, as that senior argued, that divorce was never acceptable? I carried that view for many years firmly believing that divorce was never acceptable because the Bible clearly said it.
The last church in which I attended was located in a bigger city. Attending Nazarene Bible College and being in a leadership role in the church, I was faced with this question again. There were a number people within the church that had previously been married and were now divorced for a number of different reasons. Seeing these people, godly people, living their lives, trying to make the best of the situation they’d been given caused me to reevaluate this question. Were these people, some of them divorced due to physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual abuse, living in a life of sin because they chose to escape that situation through divorce? Some of them held on for years in an abusive relationship trying to sort it all out. Were they now destined to live alone because remarriage would be labelled as adultery? Where is God in a situation like that?
Faced with this question again, in light of what scripture said and in light of what I saw in front of me, I had to reconcile it all together. I’m not going to pretend to have all the answers, but I will share with you the conclusion I’ve come to thus far. Jesus’ teaching effectively condemns all divorce. In Matthew he gives the exception for marital unfaithfulness, but at the heart of Jesus’ teaching, he clearly upholds God’s highest standard for marriage, which is marriage between one man and one woman until death do them part. That is God’s standard for marriage, and that is the standard to which we’ve been called to live. However, because of the sinful, fallen nature of the Israelites, divorce was permitted. It was never a part of God’s plan, but in order to protect his people from themselves, he permitted it. I’m sure that you’ll agree, nothing has changed over the millennia since Deuteronomy 24 was written. People are still just as sinful now as they were then. As such, I believe that, just as it was back then, there are cases where we must choose divorce as the lesser of two evils. This is not to condone divorce of any kind. This is not to condone divorce due to marital unfaithfulness, but only as a last resort when it is for the safety of God’s child. Divorce may sometimes be the lesser of two evils, but it is never pleasing to God or good in itself. It should never be looked upon by Christians as the preferred option, and again, those that have had to make that tough choice and found it to be the only option, fall under the grace of God. Through His power and Christ’s sacrifice, they can be restored.
Husbands, wives, listen to me. Within your lives, there are many things that will vie for your attention. None of them are more important than your marriage. God has joined you together, and he has no plan for you to separate. No matter how difficult it may be, your job, through love and understanding, is to work it out and to be reconciled to your spouse. You have been joined together as one flesh, and it is not up to you to separate what God has joined together. Anything short of ‘til death do us part is contrary to God’s will.
Young men and young women, listen to me. As you go about choosing who that special someone will be, and as you enter into marriage, one thing that you must always keep in mind is that divorce is not an option. Many people go into marriage with the idea that divorce is always an option on the table if things get too bad. However, it is that idea that has brought us to the state of marriage in America today. If divorce is always an option, every disagreement, every fight, every time that you wonder, “Can I keep doing this?” you will weigh your options and that one will be on the table, and if it’s on the table, even if you tell yourself it’s a last resort, the thought will be entertained. However, if you take that option of the table, if divorce isn’t even a consideration in the worst scenario, you will have no choice but to seek reconciliation.
Remember that as you choose the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, the person that you wish to be joined to, it is not a decision to be taken lightly. Divorce is not and has never been a part of God’s plan. God has joined the two together, male and female, as one flesh. “Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate.”