Marriage Myth: The Grass is Greener on the Other…
You’ve heard the saying, “The grass is greener on the other side.” However, I’d dare to say, especially when it comes to marriage, that the grass is greener where it’s being cared for. Paul tells us this same principle in Ephesians 5. Once you get past the controversy of “Wives, submit to your husbands,” and look at the context, we see that this passage not only gives men authority in their marriage but also tasks them with loving their wives to the point of death, just as Christ did the church. He brings it all together in Ephesians 5:33, “To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.”
I don’t want us to get hung up on who’s in charge of who. There’s a whole sermon in there, but that’s not our focus today. In summary of all this teaching Paul says that men are to love their wives and wives are to respect their husbands. It’s interesting that Paul would choose these two words. In his 2004 book “Love & Respect,” Dr. Emerson Eggerichs details a national study that was conducted with 400 men. The survey found that 74% of men valued respect over love and loneliness. Likewise, a comparable majority of women valued love over respect.
Surely Paul was onto something. While this isn’t always the case, generally men desire respect and women desire love. As a husband or wife it is your duty to give your spouse the love and respect that they need from us. How this looks in your marriage may vary, but not fulfilling your role in marriage will likely result in your spouse not fulfilling theirs either. If a man doesn’t show his wife love she in turn reacts by withholding respect. When he doesn’t feel respected the cycle continues.
The inverse is also true. When a man shows love, his wife is fulfilled and becomes motivated to show him respect. He in turn is then motivated to shower her with love, and the cycle continues. But how do you change cycles? You must intentionally find ways to show love and respect to your spouse.
Men, open up to your wife. Listen to her, and act like you’re listening. Give her your attention and a soft touch. Speak highly of her in front of others and stand up for her, even to your own children.
Women, affirm your husband’s work. Praise his commitment providing, and never put down his job or criticize how much he makes. Support him in his decisions. Join him in his activities on occasion, but also make time for him to spend alone and recharge.
Taking these steps will help you to show love and respect to your spouse. It can be tempting to compare your spouse or your marriage to others, but the truth is the grass is always greener where it’s cared for. If you want the lush, green grass, a strong fruitful marriage, you must ask yourself, “What am I doing to care for it?”
The grass will not grow on its own. It takes effort, love and respect, and meeting the needs of your spouse. Open up, share your hearts. Care for the grass you’ve been given, and it will be vibrant and healthy for many years to come.