Marriage Myth: You Deserve to be Happy
I remember the day my wife and I married. Once I saw her step through the church doors it hit me. This was for real. This was forever. I was excited yet nervous at the same time. Through the wedding vows we promised to have and to hold for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part.
They are beautiful words of commitment often uttered by kids who don’t fully understand their weight. Fortunately we’ve come to realize their significance and have risen to the challenge. Unfortunately, our modern society often does not give these words the same importance as it once did.
When marriages fall on hard times, it’s a difficult situation for all involved. Often those on the outside take sides in order to comfort those they love. They say things like, “Don’t stay in an unhappy situation. You deserve to be happy,” but that’s simply untrue. While we certainly want all people to be as happy as possible, God gives many reasons for marriage and none of them are to make you happy. While reasons cited for separation and divorce are varied, at the heart of it is this idea that you deserve to be happy.
Though there are many reasons for marriage, children (Malachi 2:13-15), protection from sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 7:2), and sanctification of the believer (Ephesians 5), at the heart of marriage is love, Christ’s love for the Church (Revelation 19:7–9) and our love for our spouse. But many of us have misguided ideas about love. We think that it’s that warm fuzzy feeling we get or our evening bedroom rendezvous. But love is something much more than a feeling or an action. Paul explains this to us in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.
Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not arrogant, is not rude, is not self-seeking, is not irritable, and does not keep a record of wrongs. Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
This is the standard of love, and 1 John 4:8-11 tells us that that standard is God for God is love. And since God has loved us, we are to love one another. How can we love anyone if we cannot first love the one whom we promised to love? The trap that we fall into is thinking that this life or our marriage is all about us. We think that it’s all about how I feel and what I get. But we miss the point.
Marriage is not about making you happy. While I certainly hope you are happy in your marriage, that’s not the goal. Just because you aren’t happy right now doesn’t mean the marriage has failed or that you should seek happiness elsewhere.
If you want to be happy in your marriage it has to start with love, and that love has to start with you. You can choose to love. Marriage is all about love, because marriage is about God. In your marriage you are to be love for your spouse as Christ is love for you. For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live.