We’ve been discussing parenting for the past few weeks and how we can pass the torch to the next generation (Deuteronomy 6:2-9). The first week we said that parents must remain informed about their children and their lives. Last week we discussed rules, discipline, and the need for grace.
The final principle is one we know but often forget. Great lessons are caught, not taught. When my oldest son was 4 years old, we lived in an apartment in Colorado. Next the apartment was a large hill. It was tall but not too steep. It was perfect for a little kid to go sledding. So, we begin trudging through the snow to make it to the top of the hill.
As I walked, I could hear the snow crunching beneath my feet. I could also hear my son following behind me. After a little while I stop hearing his footsteps, so I turn around to check on him. He’s a little way behind me, but as I look I see that he’s taking giant steps in order to walk within the footprints I’ve already made.
Your children are following in your footsteps. They are learning by watching you. “Do as I say, not as I do” didn’t work for your parents, and it’s not going to work for you either. Your children are going to learn their lessons by watching you.
I’ve learned this first hand. I can always tell when my kids are frustrated. You’ll hear a shout from the other room, “Oh, come on!” Where do you think they learned that? I never taught them to say it, but they’ve seen me and mimic what I do and say. And I’m certain that’s not the only thing they’ve picked up from me.
Is there certain language you don’t want your kids to use? Do you use that language? If so, you can tell them all you want, but they’re going to catch more from what you’re doing than what you’re saying. And this applies in all areas of life. Don’t want your kids to drink or smoke? Do you do it? Don’t want your kids to gossip or slander? Do you do it? Do you want your kids to be loving and kind? Demonstrate that for them to see.
But probably the most important lesson that is caught… Do you want your children to love God? Do you love God, and do you demonstrate that by how you live and by what you say?
Many parents lament that their adult kids walk away from the church. They’ll say, “I took them to church and taught them all the right things.” Yes, you may take them to church and tell them how important it is, but how does that time on Sunday morning affect your life the rest of the week? Your children will pick up on every inconsistency. They notice every time you say this but do that, and they’re more likely to follow what you do than what you say.
Parenting is not easy, and even now, as I look back on these principles, I know that I don’t always get it right. Each kid is different. Each situation is different. You’re going to make mistakes as a parent. Give yourself grace. Maybe you’ve made mistakes in the past. Be honest about your shortfalls, and commit to demonstrating the godly life you want your children to follow.
Your kids matter, and how you raise them matters. There is no cookie cutter approach to parenting, but God’s grace is sufficient to overcome your shortcomings. Seek after him with all your heart, and he will lead you as you seek to lead your family.