We spoke last week about the walls we erect which prevent communication. Such reactions are human nature. Due to trauma–whether imposed or actual shame–we feel rejected. The tendency is to perpetuate that rejection and create circumstances where we will be rejected again.
We feel like nobody wants us, so we push people away, fighting against the love we’re shown. Subconsciously we’re saying, “Because I’m not accepted, I’ll make sure nobody accepts me!” We’re the needy friends who suck the life out of everyone, and when the other person can’t handle the drama anymore say, “See! You reject me just like everyone else has!”
The other option is isolation. If not pushing others away, we put up walls to keep everyone else out, mental and emotional barriers. We tell ourselves, “If nobody ever gets in, then nobody will ever hurt me again!”
This leads us to our third wall, self-protection. There are different tactics employed when protecting ourselves, but one of the most common is to blame others. We see this with those facing addiction. They won’t accept any responsibility.
It’s my spouse’s fault, my employer’s fault, my parents’ fault, my kids’ fault, my dog’s fault. It’s automatic and subconscious. It’s always somebody else’s fault because we’ve made ourselves immune from blame.
That’s what we see with Adam and Eve. God asked, “Did you eat from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?” Adam responds, “The woman you gave to be with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate.” God turns to Eve, and she responds, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”
The man blames the woman and the woman blames the serpent. This highlights the truth about sin and mankind. We all want to look better than others, or at lease better than who we truly are. We refuse responsibility and anxiously protect and hide ourselves. We wear masks and hide inside our walls, but when we do that, we can never give or receive the love we so desperately desire and need. We forfeit that deep connection of love, but God reaches through that.
In Genesis 3:15 we see the earliest promise of the Gospel. Jesus is the one who would tear down these walls and remove fear and shame, but that wasn’t going to happen for thousands of years. What were people, Adam and Eve, supposed to do in the meantime?
God established a permanent solution through Jesus but also provided a temporary solution. “The LORD God made clothing from skins for the man and his wife, and he clothed them.” (Genesis 3:21). God traded their meager coverings of leaves for clothes of skins. God covered their shame until they day when he would ultimately take it away. Jesus rectifies the problem. Jesus repairs and restores relationship. He covers and will ultimately remove, the shame, guilt, and fear that comes from sin. God’s grace allows us to create an environment where honest sharing can take place, but we must be willing to trade our covering of fear and self-protection and accept his covering of grace and forgiveness.
Family, parenting, and marriage are built with communication at their core, and at the core of communication is love and trust. If you can’t communicate with your spouse, your marriage is destined to fail. If you can’t communicate with your children, your relationship is destined to die. It starts with surrendering our covering of fear and self-protection in exchange for God’s covering of grace and forgiveness and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable with those we love the most.